Keeping Your Nose Clean

First published January 29th 2010. So I see the Devon and Cornwall Police might be joining forces with other counties in some sort of cost cutting exercise. This story has been around since 2006. It would be a shame to see the old D&C symbol vanish but I would suggest that the police authorities might be careful as to which forces actually get together. Personally I would love to see Devon Including Cornwall, Hamsphire, Essex And Dorset under one banner. Whether it would save millions in admin, would be questionable, I just want to see the initials on the cap badge. Turning up with D.I.C.H.E.A.D. written on your helmet doesn’t inspire confidence in a police force but it might raise a smile.

Speaking of police, my attempts to get January 29th adopted as a Bank Holiday seems to have foundered but I am going to press on. Why? Well, I was so impressed by the story which hit the headlines on that day and I think we all should take note, stand back and marvel at the giant leap forward in the British judicial system. We should celebrate a strike against endemic and systematic crime in this country, take a day off and raise a glass to the force. For those who missed it, a sickening breach of the law came to light and with a rod of iron, ‘for once’, we cracked down on the perpetrator. I refer to the serial sniffer, Scotsman Michael Mancini, a 39-year-old man who looks set to go to court after refusing to pay a fine given to him by the police when they saw him wiping his nose with a tissue while sitting in stationary traffic. Good god what ever next?

My attempts to have ‘Blow Your Nose at a Police Officer Day’ have been cruelly snubbed but I would love to take this opportunity to say well done to the boys in blue involved. Without your eagle eyed dedication, this hideous misdemeanour would have gone unpunished. What a shame Guantanamo Bay was been closed….and just before the cold and flu season. However, just think of the chain reaction which can be started from this. For all those people who have been mugged or burgled over the past months and are still waiting for some sort of action, take heart. With this new…..three sniffs and your out policy…..the culprit may well be caught after sneezing at a set of traffic lights and the resultant DNA and fingerprint evidence from a discarded hankie could lead to a conviction. And why stop there? Let’s change the statute books. Lets bring in coughing without due care and attention, being in charge of an offensive wink or driving whilst under the influence of a hat. This can hit crime at its very roots.

It may take some time but at the moment I am trying to develop the ‘fartilizer’ and then we can really clean up the streets. However, I am having trouble with the dimensions of the mouth piece.

Yours stamping out crime