THE FITZ FILES BLOG
After many years writing in The Herald newspaper Fitz has decided to blog instead.
May 7th 2011
What a magnificent device…the iphone! In the 36 hours I have had it I have discovered that when I sit on the loo I am facing 61 degrees north east. I have also discovered that it is 2.15pm in Olso, obviously it might not be as you read this, but when I flushed, it was! I have also discovered that if you have chubby fingers you can really cock up the texting facility, etre Blampert keeps getting messages such as.. SeE u in about kiasdhiasda minutes Fitb.
Also, each time I answer the phone, I photograph my ear…can anyone explain why?
Of course gaining access to world wide information and running your life via apps, ipods and Bluetooth connectivity is fine assuming that the bloody phone turns up on time and to the right address. All of this fingertip touch technology does fall down when some unwashed ‘Nigel’ in a transit van, who is supposed to be delivering it, can’t find your address. Then, with landline technology, you try and dial the ‘help line’ at the parcel delivery company. Nine times I was cut off from ‘information’ where a recorded voice told me on each occasion that…..We are currently experiencing a high level of calls at the moment…. really…..outrageous…you’re a call centre and some unthinking bastard has called you!
At 6.30pm the doorbell went as I was trying to get through to the ‘help line’ for the tenth time and sod’s law kicked in, they actually answered. I was about to go off on one when I saw ‘Nigel’ on the doorstep holding a small package and with great pleasure hung up on them. I opened the door.
His opening words were…. ‘Express delivery!’
‘Not in my world, mush.’ And followed up with. ‘Get lost did you?’
‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I even tried using my 3G iphone map system. I’ve got the same one you have just ordered but the coverage around here is crap. They don’t work. So I had to stop and ask at the garage.’
Arr! Still, I have seven nice pictures of my ear, know the time in Oslo and the GPS position of my bog…Oh and am developing a text relationship with etre Blampert.
