The enemy, the good lady wife, sent me out for shampoo and stamps last week. A simple errand but one I managed to stretch out for most of the morning and was able to meet a whole new circle of friends.
Just before the chemist I paused by a toy shop window and my eyes fell on a marvellous gift idea for ‘ratboy’, the son and heir.
It was a model car, in fact a model of a Smart Car, you know the Mercedes Wheelie Bin things that tumble along our roads as if caught in a strong gust of wind. I stood there for a moment and wondered why anyone would make a model of a Smart Car, the real thing isn’t that much bigger. Why not just buy a Smart Car? Even with the real thing you can get down on your hands and knees to push it and to add the excitement you can go bbbrrrrrrrrrrmmmm whilst doing it.
I remember when cars were cars. The Morris Oxford, the Austin Cambridge and even the Ford Anglia. Cars you could back into without fear of denting a bumper. Cars that came in cream and beige and fawn, with gear boxes that you had to stir like you were unblocking a toilet. Cars you had to service yourself. During the seventies my dad lived under the bonnet of the family Morris Marina, beige and avocado it was! I thought WD40 was his after shave until I left home.
Ratboy will never know the pleasures of a starting handle or how to use it properly…..apart from clubbing….no not seals…….clubbing as in the modern alco-pop fuelled evening out!
Anyway back to the chemist for shampoo. As I walked in, there was the ‘reduced’ stand. Normally this is a lighthouse for the enemy, but thankfully she wasn’t with me so I didn’t leave with a single surgical stocking or a home brewing kit demijohn having ‘saved’ a fortune.
Today’s specials included a two for one head lice lotion deal. Bargain! I was about to point out to the assistant that surely in order to gain the full benefit of the saving, you would have to re infect yourself! But before I could open my gob, my eyes fell on the next ‘reduced’ offering….one rather battered box of condoms!
Now, I have a marketing and advertising background and I am willing to bet that if I go back into the chemist tomorrow, the reduced condoms will still be there. In my mind it wasn’t a good sales ploy to scrawl in red biro, REDUCED across it.
I would guess it would kind of kill the moment for most women see the words REDUCED flash in front of their eyes.
Most blokes would probably question, why REDUCED, as well?
Anyway, after a hurried purchase of pine fresh, mountain spring, early morning in Ernesettle shampoo and conditioner, I turned for home but not before I visited a small rural Post Office. I can’t name it, it would be unfair. But to all post masters on the edge of The South Hams in Devon, can you please check your windows now. Look for the home made advert using sticky letters. One of you is advertising a Rabbi Hutch. The ‘T’ has dropped off!
Yours
Fi z
