Isn’t bank security marvellous these days. I was standing in mine only last week and I started to look around. I took in the thickness of the glass, the cameras and the clever metal draw where you can loose a finger paying in a bag of pennies. Out of sight there are the ‘chip and pin’ systems, on-line banking passwords and the codes you have to tap in just to get through to level one of your secure screen entry.
When you call them, you have spend half an hour on the line remembering your mother’s maiden name, primary school headmaster and the budgie’s blood group, before passing the first hurdle to get into your account only to discover that you are overdrawn because the bloody phone bill has just arrived. A little ironic! But in this day and age, security is paramount.
I believe retinal scans will be the next leap forward in high-tech banking security. Mind you I always used to get the words retinal and rectal mixed up. Thankfully the banks haven’t, otherwise the queues at the windows would be even longer and the cashpoints would be a little drafty as well.
Anyway, your money is safe as houses and as long as the bank is employing staff who can read, you can sleep at nights knowing that people like me aren’t going to defraud you or clog up the banking system.
Now its confession time!
Last Friday I paid in a load of cheques, some for the enemy, into the good lady wife’s business account and one into mine. Now due to the fact that I had been at the port the night before, I managed to place her cheques in my account and mine in hers. It wasn’t until Saturday that I twigged the mistake.
Checking on Monday, I noticed that they had been credited without argument so I trudged up to my branch personally. I would have phoned but I haven’t got the money or three hours to waste and my Hindi is a little rusty.
I was wondering how our accounts had received the monies as we have two total different business names, not even the same surname. The enemy hasn’t taken mine! Can’t think why?
I WAS going to ask the question, do you actually check cheques, but then decided against it because I already know the answer. They don’t! Last week we received a cheque that wasn’t signed at all. So I signed it, in the bank. And it went straight through. The signature looked like….A Badger! But A Badger paid us…I think that’s called fraud.
But it reminded me of two friends who, several years ago, tested the banking security system with some pretty high level fraud themselves. After a lunch in the local cider bar they went off shopping and decided to change their signatures. According to their cheques Ronald Reagan bought a pair of trainers in Woolies and then G Washington had his hair done. Finally a Mr M Mouse finished off the evening with a curry. At some point I think Ronnie Biggs got the train tickets home. All cheques were cashed and nothing was ever said.
Now I am not saying try it…..that would be irresponsible and childish.
Yours waiting for the Fraud Squad
Genghis Khan
