Well, what an interesting week it has been so far. Firstly the government has suggested that we halve prison sentences for those who come forward and admit that they are criminals. However due to cuts backs in policing could you please give yourselves up between 09.00am and 5.00pm and only at manned stations….there is one in Falmouth, one in Bristol and one just outside Middlesbrough or call 08452 77 444 and press 1 for murder, 2 for arson, 3 for prostitution, hash for drug trafficking and 5, several times, for repeat offending. WARNING: DO NOT PRESS 9 SEVERAL TIMES AS THIS LINE IS OFTEN UNMANNED.
I think I am right, at the moment you get 25 years for murder. As it is… you will only serve half of that, so halve that again, take off time for good behaviour and then remove the period you spent on remand at home/Butlins/shop lifting and there you have it… your sentence……a short sharp shock of a weekend in Portland…..that’ll show em’.
Obviously failing to signal at a junction, not signing your driving licence or doing 44 in a 40mph area will still receive two squad cars, a personal whigging from the Chief Constable and in the case of driving without a seat belt, the force helicopter.
Strange that the government has suggested this sentence reduction scheme just as we start jailing a lot of MP’s! What next, two for one prison terms? Admit one, get one free? How about giving Nectar points for turning up at hearings, redeemable at Sainsburys, Homebase and The Old Bailey.
Speaking of which, Ratboy, the son and heir, did ask me who was the woman on top of The Old Bailey roof and what was she doing? I told him that I wasn’t sure of her name but she was holding a weapon in her right hand and what looked like her bra in the right…..nothing he hasn’t seen before in Plymouth on a Saturday night. I went on to explain that in some cases, the figure is also depicted blindfolded with what looks like a pair of knickers, again nothing he hasn’t seen before in and around the Barbican!
Oh yes, The Barbican! Remember the Barbican or The Lost World, as it is called on most tourist maps. Just a small point, The Pilgrim Fathers took sixty six days to cross to the shores of the New World, how long has it taken to re open Gdynia Way?
Yours off to see The Man in The Mirror.
Fitz
P.S. Has the hose pipe ban been lifted?
