Another busy month has passed which has seen the family FitzGerald uprooted and dumped in London for a few days in order for me to host two highly important events. I will tell you about the first in a moment but the second must take precedence as I found myself at The Sheraton Park Lane where l was awarded the great honour of being made an Honorary Member of The Masterchefs of Great Britain. I have hosted their annual dinner for some years now and this year joined their ranks with a smart chef’s jacket, a certificate and a figure which says….he knows his food. At this point I must point out that the enemy, the good lady wife, does most of the cooking in the house, mainly for insurance reasons and health, let’s leave it at that.
The day before found me at Wellington Barracks in Woolwich, again in a hosting role, this time the 250th anniversary of The Royal Artillery Band, a fantastic concert in front of past and present members of the regiment, invited guests and VIP’s.
The evening started well and I was behaving myself but I was beginning to relax into the swing of things and forgot that there were VIP’s and people of a sensitive nature at the bash and decided to liven things up with my usual sense of humour. It was getting a little warm in the marquee so decided to suggest to the gentlemen that maybe they could remove their jackets.
‘I am beginning to sweat a bit myself,’ I said. ‘In fact I am sweating like ….’ My mind went blank for a moment. Some people might have said, like a carthorse but not me. On the day that he flew from Great Britain and not knowing who was in the audience I said… ‘Sweating like Abu Hamza.’ There was a mixture of stifled laughter, in taking of breath and spluttering. Deciding to bury myself a little further I raised the question….. ‘Did they handcuff him on the plane or just spot weld him to the armrest?’
After the concert came to a grinding halt, my good lady wife introduced me to some of the VIP’s. One, who will have to remain nameless but lives in one of the Royal palaces, thought I was the most politically incorrect person he has ever met. That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me and
a truly great honour. He then in turn introduced me to the gent beside him a senior high ranking ‘anti terror’ official who had actually placed the man on the plane. And that’s where this story must end as I have no wish to occupy a currently empty cell in Belmarsh Prison . Lesson from all of this….always check who is in the audience before opening gob.
Speaking of justice, the enemy, has just been selected for jury service and has taken to watching every Miss Marple and back episodes of Judge John Deed. Good luck if you are in court over the next couple of months, deportation to the colonies might be coming back for anything above ‘double parking’. Does Ivybridge still have a ducking stool? Send the sniffer dogs to find it.
Fitz
